The beginning-till today

Our journey started May 13th when Ben and I found out we were expected. I was a moment filled with joy and disbeleif that we made a little miracle.

The first 10 weeks were all but normal. We had ultrasounds, a beating heart, 2 legs and 2 arms that moved, and a very active and healthy baby.

June 29, 2009
This will be a day my husband and I wont forget and when our journey started. We had our normal ultrasound, and everything looked fantastic with a great heartbeat of 179 that we heard for the first time. We went back in the waiting room with our ultrasound pics on cloud 9. We enjoyed this time looking at our baby, sending pictures to our parents and friends.

We walked into the Dr office, and waited in the office. Ben was so impatient open up the blinds in the exam room while I'm posted up on the table *laugh*. I was laughing at him because he couldnt sit still.

The Dr. walked in and long story short he informed us of some chromosonal abnormalties detected in the regular ultrasounds. *shock* We had no idea. *shock* We both a 10000 questions running through our heads, nothing made since, we just saw the little one. Nothing could discribe how we felt.

What now: We were then advised we would have to see a perinatal Dr. and he would run somemore test.

June 30, 2009
My momma came up to help us, *i love you*

July 1, 2009
We met with the perinatalogist. He was quite rude, but we will pass that and move on. We had about 1.5 hour ultrasound. The baby was moving around, kicking me, and attempting to suck his/her thumb. It was precious. The results were againing shocking. It is normal for a baby to have fluid at the back that measures anywhere from 1.8mm-2.5mm, 2.5 being the high end of normal. Our baby measured at 3.2mm. I tried to ask the Dr. was this way off the charts? Is this bad? Is the baby going to be ok? But the Dr gave us nothing. *shock* nothing. All of his answers where "We will have to wait". I was trying to find something to hold onto but their was nothing. The Dr. kept asking me for questions, but I didnt have any. I didnt know what to ask. What do you ask in this situation.

It is possible for the fluid to drain, but it is also possible our first child may have downs, or some other abnormalty. The other good thing is there is also a defined nasal and check bone which in reasearch 78% of downs children did not have. So that is a plus. *sigh*

We had blood work done. They will take the blood work, with the ultrasounds findings, and my age and other info to come up with a risk factor.

I am unable to focus, and Ben is staying strong for my sake. We are both answerless and speechless. But hanging onto each other.

July 7, 2009
I called the Dr. to find out my blood results through my regular OBGYN. They were positive for downs. This does not mean the child will have downs it is just another addition to my risks. The tears started flowing and wouldnt stop. How do you handle this?

I go to call the perintologist and in the past week the perintologist has completely changes hospital systems, and noone can get their hands on my information. *perfect*. My ONGYN contacted them and tried to get the info from them and now it is 5:24 and no answers.

******Emotion: I can cry, and be upset. I can not speak and lay in bed all day. But we right now have a happy healthy child growing inside of me that seems oblivious to any issues he/she may have. Which I cannot be happier for. I am so appreciative that God gave us this miracle. I will hold this miracle as long as he allows me to, and I will handle this day by day. He is giving me the strength I have right now because I have none. And no matter how many Drs touch me or this baby, they are not God and they do not play God. And ultimately this is his decision. And we will take this baby however he\she come: ******